Ten Royal Scandals That'll Make You Wonder How We Still Have a Monarchy

By Spencer Hart on at

The Great British Monarchy is more divisive than Marmite. Depending on who you ask, the Royals either an iconic part of our long and traditional history, or money-sucking posers with no right to the throne.

Unfortunately they're having a bit of a hard time at the moment with some strenuously denied allegations against Prince Andrew. But luckily I'm here to make things worse by digging up some of their most shocking scandals from the past (in a jovial kind of way, of course).

1.) Prince Harry Dresses as a Nazi

You know what's not funny? Nazis are not funny. Do you know what's even un-funnier? The Queen's grandson dressing up as one. The British press certainly didn't see the funny side, especially as the incident transpired just two weeks before the 60th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.

The Sun labelled Harry 'Hitler Youth' and he apologised almost immediately for his poor choice of costume.

Of course, that wasn't the first (or last) time Harry made the papers, he'd previously admitted to smoking cannabis, and was overheard using some rather inappropriate racist language that we'd rather not repeat here. [Image Credit: Wikipedia and Wikimedia]

2.) The Whole Diana affair

After a rather long public spat – you remember it – in which both Princess Di and Charley Boy fed news to papers through their friends, the two finally decided to divorce. Accusations of numerous extra-marital affairs were then detailed despite a clause in Diana's divorce settlement that prevented her from talking to the press.

Di was stripped of the 'Her Royal Highness' part of her title, but she continued to live in Kensington Palace and was still considered part of the Royal Family. Yet as she remained incredibly popular with the public, and The Daily Express newspaper in particular, there was a considerable outpouring of grief when she died in 1997 as a result of a car crash in Paris.

A public inquest found that the accident was caused by the driver's drunken loss of control, but Mohamed Al-Fayed, father of Dodi (Di's then-boyfriend who also tragically died in the car), believe that the crash was planned by MI6 and the Duke of Edinburgh. Of course.

It was also once rumoured that Prince Harry was the illegitimate son of Diana's riding instructor, but we're happy to wait for Jeremy Kyle with his DNA test machine to clear that one up. [Image Credit: Wikipedia]

3.) Prince Philip's Misjudged Remarks

Prince Philip is more jam-packed with casually racist one-liners than a racist granddad at Christmas dinner. The difference is that your granddad doesn't represent our country (any more). There are too many to list here, although asking a Scottish driving instructor, "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" is hard to beat; telling the President of Nigeria that he looked like he was "ready for bed" when wearing his national dress managed to. [Image Credit: Wikipedia]

4.) Michael Fagan Breaking Into the Queen's Bedroom

At around 7.15 on the 9th of July 1982, a man by the name of Michael Fagan scaled the garden walls of Buckingham Palace, then shimmied up a drainpipe and found himself in the Queen's bedroom. The unemployed father of four managed to set the alarm off twice, but it was ignored by police who believed it was an error.

Reports at the time stated Michael spent ten minutes talking to the Queen before the guards were alerted, but in 2012 Michael told the Independent that she ran out of the room straight away. He also claimed he was high on magic mushrooms at the time, and had no plan or reason behind the event.

Whatever actually happened, it's gone down as the biggest lapse of security in Royal history. [Image Credit: Flickr]

5.) King Edward VIII Didn't Last Long After He Proposed to Wallis Simpson

Edward VIII was the eldest son of King George V, crowned on the 20th of January 1936. But in what is potentially one of the most romantic gestures ever, putting most guys to shame, he abdicated just 11 months later on the 11th of December, all for the love of a woman.

He caused a constitutional crisis when he popped the question to Wallis Simpson, an American two-time divorcee. Edward's reign of just 326 days means that he is one of the shortest-reigning monarchs in British history.

He was also known to hold Nazi sympathies, which lost him his role on the British Military Mission to France, was thus stationed in the Bahamas and the islands' governor, before eventually returning to France and spending the rest of his days there.  [Image Credit: Wikipedia]

6.) Camillagate

I hadn't heard this story before I began writing this article, and I'm not sure I'm happy now that I have. In 1989, Charles and his mistress (now wife) Camilla Parker Bowles had their phone conversations recorded and sold to the Daily Mirror. Below is a transcript of what all the fuss was about:

Charles: "Oh god. I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier!"
Camilla: (Laughs.) "What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers?" (Both laugh). "Oh, you're going to come back as a pair of knickers."
Charles: "Or, God forbid, a Tampax. Just my luck!" (Laughs.)
Camilla: "You are a complete idiot!" (Laughs.) "Oh, what a wonderful idea!"

[Image Credit: Shutterstock]

7.) Prince Harry Loses (His Dignity) at Strip Billiards

It's Harry's turn again – and this time we find him naked in a Las Vegas hotel room. And he wasn't even at CES…

It wasn't William's bachelor party or a plot-point in The Hangover 3 either: he was just with a few friends and decided to play strip billiards. Those 'friends' took pictures of him on their phones, and we all know what a good idea that is. [Image Credit: Atticus Flinch]

8.) The Princess Royal's Criminal Record

Princess Anne was caught speeding 93 mph down a dual carriageway back in 2001. She was fined £400 and received five points on her driving licence. So her many drivers had something to do again, at least.

A year later, she was at it again, becoming the first Royal with a criminal record after she was convicted under the Dangerous Dog Act 1991. She pleaded guilty to the charge that her dog, Dotty, attacked two children while on a walk in Windsor Great Park.

It seems Dotty developed a taste for blood, because a year later the bull terrier killed one of the Queen's corgis. [Image Credit: Wikipedia]

9.) Why Haven't They Disowned Prince Andrew Yet?

This week wasn't the first time Airmiles Andy has made the papers – he's famously been a bad-tempered, huge expense-claiming, dictator-chummying son of a gun for a while. He also had an American girlfriend in the '80s who spotlighted as a softcore porn star. Which is fair enough, but we can't imagine the Queen was down with it. [Image Credit: Wikimedia]

10.) They're All Lizard-People From Space!

According to truth-teller Sir David of Icke that is. His theory posits that the Royals, along with other world leaders naturally, are shapeshifting lizard-humanoids of the Babylonian Brotherhood, who collectively control the world. Well, they've never officially denied it, have they?

This coming from the same man who thinks the Moon is a hollowed-out vessel, in which all manner of strange things can occur. In fact, the Moon is actually an arena that the reptilian Babylonian Brotherhood can use as a spacecraft. [Image Credit: Wikipedia]

Top Image Credit: Wikipedia