Urban Dictionary's Weirdest Definitions for Everyday Things

By Tom Pritchard on at

We've all found ourselves coming across a bizarre piece of slang or an abbreviation we don't understand. The kinds of things that we would never find in the latest version of the Oxford English Dictionary. In these cases we often find ourselves heading to Urban Dictionary for guidance.

Urban Dictionary is the ultimate repository of informal language, but it's not just a database of slang and sex moves that nobody should ever try. Think of it as the Wild West of internet definitions, a haven of lawlessness where people can say whatever they like and pretend that it's true. But there are normal words in there as well, and they have some very, how should we put this, interesting definitions that veer wildly away from the accepted norm.

Small disclaimer: I've avoided the more NSFW definitions, but there is still some quite strong language. 

Wait, do people actually do this? Honestly I have no words. I'd be livid if someone did this to my laptop, and I hate my laptop.

What it really means: A small crisp batter cake, baked in a waffle iron and eaten hot with butter or syrup.

The same is true for anyone who drives a car. Or drinks a lot. Or does anything that's actually fun.

What it really means: The action or habit of inhaling and exhaling the smoke of tobacco or a drug.

There's a better definition out there, but you've probably never heard of it. It's written on a slab of rock in a safe in the hidden valleys of the Himalayas.

What it really means: (Of a pop group, record label, or film company) not belonging or affiliated to a major record or film company.

I've come across plenty of people who seem to have the brain of a small cucumber. I've no idea what 'mall cucumber' is though. Must be a typo. Bloody plebs who can't spell...

What it really means: (Short for plebeian) An ordinary person, especially one from the lower social classes.

Run the Earth? Well something has to. Anyone who's ever been to a comments section on the internet knows that human beings certainly aren't suited for the task.

What it really means: A small rodent that typically has a pointed snout, relatively large ears and eyes, and a long tail.

I.e. the only reason YouTube is as big as it is.

What it really means: Causing laughter or amusement; humorous.

When I said I was geeking out over the new Star Wars trailer, this is definitely not what I meant.

What it really means: (Verb of geek) Be or become extremely excited or enthusiastic about a subject, typically one of specialist or minority interest.

As if we actually needed any confirmation to know that this is true.

What it really means: Teenager, a person aged between 13 and 19 years.

It's not really a definition, so I can imagine that anyone struggling to understand what stupid means won't find this very helpful. It's great for making the rest of us chuckle though.

What it really means: Lacking intelligence or common sense.

Now I'm picturing an old-timey grandpa in a rocking chair on a porch talking about how he loves porn and makes sure he gets his fill everyday. There's nothing like a hearty bowl full of porn.

What it actually means: Short for pornography: printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement.

I honestly don't understand the logic before this definition. I literally can't even. Must be an American thing.

What it really means: A device consisting of a bar or wheel with a set of angled teeth in which a pawl, cog, or tooth engages, allowing motion in one direction only.

I have to say, this sounds like a remarkably harsh thing to do, it's certainly not the kind of thing any normal person would even think of. Thanks Urban Dictionary! You're a powerful tool in the misanthrope's arsenal.

What it really means: A person who makes and sells arrows.

A term drenched in history and importance, knocked down a few pegs because someone decided it was more apt to make it about food instead. Such a 21st Century thing to do. Pass the salt would you? I have some resistance fighters that need to be eliminated.

What it really means: The name used to denote the collection of French resistance movements that fought against the Nazi German occupation of France and against the collaborationist Vichy régime during World War II.

And there was me thinking the term for doing this was 'pitch invasion' or 'streaking'. I can't imagine trucking is something people can do with great frequency.

What it really means: A large, heavy road vehicle used for carrying goods, materials, or troops; a lorry.

Seeing what I've seen about Urban Dictionary, I am honestly surprised that this was the top definition for Michael Jackson. You know what I'm talking about.

What it really means: American singer, songwriter, record producer, dancer, and actor. Called the King of Pop.

During my search I also found that Urban Dictionary is used to define peoples' names. so I figured the best way to round this up would be to look at my own name and see what came up.

Little bit outdated? Justin Timberlake is in charge of MySpace now.

I can confirm that this is 100 per cent accurate. Ask anyone who knows me and my brother.

Anything good that I've missed? Let us know. Just try and steer clear off the particularly gross entries.