Science Says That Driving a Mini Causes Massive Anxiety

By James O Malley on at

Driving a Mini makes you more anxious than when you watch a horror film or jump out of a plane. That's the verdict of a new 'scientific' study that has been sponsored by... Umm... Mini.

A psychologist from the University of Portsmouth to put his name to some 'research' that found driving a fast car is apparently more anxiety-inducing than the activities listed above. Obviously the company is spinning it as though it makes driving a mini sound exciting, but we can't help but wonder if it just makes it sound unpleasant.

Apparently motorists were driven around the track at Goodwood by stunt driver Niki Faulkner and this caused measured heartrates to increase by "100%" to 181bpm, and "self-reported" anxiety spiked by 370%. Jumping out of a plane apparently causes an average heartrate of 170bpm.

Bowing down to his corporate masters, Dr Chris Wagstaff explained, “In situations of fear and excitement, the body reacts according to a combination of our thoughts and survival instinct – reactions are faster, our heart rate increases.

“This is part of the evolutionary fight or flight response humans developed many hundreds of years ago. However, in the absence of natural predators to trigger such responses, humans occasionally seek out risks or thrills. Being in a Mini delivered enough exhilaration to activate this response.”

So the advice here, based on a Mini press release appears to be don't buy a Mini, as it will be an unnecessarily terrifying and stressful experience.