McDonald's Reckons Table Service Will Make its Burgers Less Shameful to Eat

By Gary Cutlack on at

McDonald's, the company best known for selling hot meat sandwiches wrapped up in bits of paper and cardboard to sad drunk people, is continuing its push into upmarket territory in the UK with the launch of table service in over 400 refurbished branches.

Which is a terrible idea, as the last thing you want when visiting McDonald's is any form of eye contact or social interaction. Eating a poor burger is not something to be celebrated, or spoken about. It's a functional, shameful act, like doing a wee in a doorway on a night out. You don't do it on purpose or for fun, a McDonald's is something that happens when all polite options have been exhausted.

They don't need table service at McDonald's. They need anonymous, autonomous booths in out of town car parks, where a burger is pushed out at you through a slot in a plain brown wrapper, keeping your awful what-I-had-for-dinner secret safe. It should also start calling fries chips if it wants to be taken seriously.

And as well as making someone smile at you when asking you what you want at a table, the burger chain is also expanding its range of cook-to-order posh burgers, a move designed to stop the numerous modern gourmet burger chains in their tracks. Its "signature collection" -- served in a brioche bun as if Jamie Oliver has just bashed it together out back as a personal favour to his mate Ronald -- will soon be found in 60 of the company's UK locations. [Standard]

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