Who do You Want as the Next Prime Minister?

By Gary Cutlack on at

It looks like we're going to become one of those basket case countries that has elections every fortnight and a prime minister picked by a series of coin tosses and arm wrestles, so you'd better start paying attention to the politics sections. There's going to be a new man or perhaps even lady in charge of the UK soon -- but who should it be?

At time of writing, the current political news says we should expect Boris Johnson to be prime minister in September. This might've been funny six months ago when he was a sort of comic buffoon always falling over and getting custard on his tie while going "rumpity-pump-pump" to himself, but now he's turned into some sort of lunatic who's trashed the country in order to get a pay rise so we're perhaps not quite so keen on the idea.

The other large possibility is Theresa May, who seems nice enough if perhaps a bit wooden and unemotional. And the last time we had a wooden and unemotional lady in charge things got a bit... tense. If riots may be described as tense.

Perhaps what the UK really needs is a popular, unifying figure in charge, like Jeremy Hunt. Everyone likes him, apart from the handful of rebels who put together an entirely unrepresentative rubbish internet game about kicking him and several of his Conservative party chums.

Or, seeing as we're all racists now, we might as well go the whole hog and get Nick Griffin out of retirement and put him in Number 10 (first jobs: paint the door white, check work visas of cleaning staff), as we're now bizarrely fond of the days when the biggest worry the country faced was his niche, laughable immigration rants.

Who else is nice? Is anyone nice in politics? How about we have no prime minister and make every decision through a series of divisive referendums and text votes? Swipe right to keep Trident.

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