A survey that asked people compiling their CVs at what point they really ought to have done something with their lives has pinpointed the age of 31 as being critical for our expectations of ourselves, as that's when people, the poor, unrealistic, dreaming people, think they should be married and owning a house.
The research was done by Privilege Home Insurance, which asked 2,000 people to rank important life milestones by the age at which they should be achieved. The youth were laughably aspirational about their chances of ever owning a house, with 37 per cent of people surveyed saying they should expect to be owning and liable for the maintenance of some sort of dilapidated converted unit by the age of 31. That was deemed the most important life event by 37 per cent of people asked, beating meeting their life partner by a year and 10 entire percentage points.
Children should be had, got out of the way and checked in with a childminder by the age of 30, beating the expectation that a long-term career should be locked in by the age of 32. Keep dreaming, kids, as the reality is you'll be still in your mum's house at the age of 43 and the only jobs going will be zero-hours van driving, delivering things to other millennials still living at home. [Shortlist]