Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut Is the Movie 2016 Deserves

By Hudson Hongo on at

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is the cinematic equivalent of a train wreck. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is the physical equivalent of a train wreck. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is 2016 in movie form.

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is long. It is 13 minutes longer than the original. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut clocks in at under two and a half hours but is somehow longer than any other movie I have ever seen.

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is—it must be said—terrible. It is also wonderful. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is loud and dumb and excruciatingly boring if listen to it and bright and exciting if you don’t. It looks like someone blew up an independent emo/goth shop filled with paint balls and then returned to blow it up again for 13 more minutes. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is my favourite movie of what I’ve seen this year.

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is not this year’s election. Nonetheless, the film and 2016's marquee political contest have many things in common. For one, they were both dominated by an incompetent clown who thought he was doing a great job while failing miserably. For two, the clown in both of them won anyway.

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is a joy from afar but increasingly unsettling the closer you look. It’s like a Monet painting or a fresh pizza sullied by a single wiry pube. It is not “twisted” but it is insanely “tWiStEd.” Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is your dirtbag boyfriend from school winning the lottery and then blowing it all on Jet Skis and anime swords before winning the lottery again.

Image: Party Cuty

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is about men, which is to say, dads. Good ones and bad ones and bad ones who become good ones by using their badness for goodness. This is another way in which Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is like the US election. Except in the real world, the bad dads don’t become good dads, everyone just eventually accepts that they’re bad and that it sucks but also it’s okay? (It isn’t, really, but whatever.)

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is the Las Vegas strip to Suicide Squad: The Non-Extended Cut’s Times Square. Both are crowded and garish and irritating beyond all reason. They stand as real-world examples of all the half-baked Marxist shit your cousin posts on Facebook. By virtue of being so relentlessly, inescapably bad, however, SS:TEC/Las Vegas is somehow endearing whereas SS:TNEC/Times Square just sucks.

Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is not necessary. It is a deleted scenes bonus disc disguised as an entirely new movie. In another, perhaps better, world, Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut would have been briefly considered before getting shouted down by a room full of sound-minded people. In this world, however, the forces of history demanded it so Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut exists. We didn’t ask for this, but we didn’t really not ask for this either, so here we are. Suicide Squad: The Extended Cut is the movie 2016 deserves.