Masturbation Breaks at Work Would Increase Office Productivity

By Gary Cutlack on at

Here's something that could make 2017 the best year on record -- officially endorsed masturbation breaks in the office. Five minutes off, or as long as you need, to reduce stress and give yourself something to work towards during the day. Cross all the items off your "to do" list by 3:30pm and off to the cubicle you may trot.

Metro asked some serious science people whether introducing office policies on workplace masturbation would work or not, and there was a pretty unanimous yes -- so feel free to take a "break" any time you like. Psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall, for example, said of the possible future Wanking at Work schemes that: "I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling. Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus."

He warns against thinking about your favourite, most sympathetic, kind-eyed work colleague while doing so, though, as it could create a "cognitive impairment" or encourage inappropriate behaviour outside of the privacy of the toilet cubicles.

Plus Matthew McConaughey said it was key to successfully making money in the 1980s, so that advice is probably still true today. [Metro]