UK Vulnerable to Giant Squid Attacks

By Gary Cutlack on at

Were some sort of leviathan from the deep to emerge and attack Britain's heritage coastline we would be powerless to stop it tearing our Victorian piers to shreds, as reports from inside the military say that the UK's entire fleet of attack submarines is currently out of action.

By "entire fleet" we actually mean "all seven" because that's how many war subs we have, not including the separate nuclear deterrent fleet. Our bathers and fishermen are protected from giant squid and great white shark attack around the clock by three new Astute class nuclear submarines and four older 1980s Trafalgar series vessels, with all of them said to be out of action for various reasons.

This is according to sources speaking to The Sun, who say that six of the seven attack subs are having repairs or refits, with the seventh, HMS Astute, one of the new models, also out of official action as it's undergoing sea trials following previous maintenance of its own.

A Navy spokesperson said everything was OK but couldn't comment on specifics as it might give the enemy an advantage and make people scared to go on ferries. [The Sun via Telegraph]

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