These White Socks Cost £70

By Ian Morris on at

Socks. White socks. £70. Look, even if it was reasonable for socks to cost £70 per pair, which it most certainly isn't, it would absolutely never be acceptable for anyone to wear a £70 pair of socks.

Actually, I'll correct that. The only way it would be acceptable to spend £70 on a pair of socks would be if they corrected all the failures of other socks. So, here's my list of requirements for a £70 pair of socks. Firstly, they must last 10 years (£7 per year of life) and show no sign of ageing in that time. They must be entirely able to maintain excellent foot health by killing the three types of fungi that cause athlete's foot and eliminate Staphylococcus epidermidis which is the bacteria that eats sweat and excretes odour. They must also not be white, this is absolutely essential.

I'll be the first to admit it though, I haven't understood socks for some time now. I guess that's probably why I don't understand how anyone could think paying £70 for a pair was reasonable. I don't understand why anyone wears white sock outside a tennis court. I don't understand those tiny little socks that make it look like you're not wearing any socks apart from the fact you can see them.

So yeah, I don't understand fashion. I don't understand why people have jeans that are more hole than jeans and I don't understand why those people are prepared to pay for jeans that are falling apart. Now I can hear the cries of "settle down granddad" already, but the joke's on you because even when I was young I couldn't understand the power fashion had over people, but at least when I was finishing university socks made some sense.

And here's something else I can't understand. It's not okay to wear sandals with socks, right? We all get that, it's the avocado bathroom suite of footwear. But what about those shoes that Mr Porter calls "slides". It's okay to wear socks with those apparently, even though it looks just as shit. This might be because sports people do it, and sports people are always cool.

I realise this whole thing probably says a lot more about my mental wellbeing than it does about socks, people who pay £70 for socks or people who wear white socks.

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