There isn't a machine to stuff the tasty circular food into your mouth yet, but thanks to Domino's, you can now order a pizza just by yelling at an inanimate object. The object in question is Amazon's Echo and the pizza will be whatever you want it to be. It does need to be set up first though, as it uses Domino's existing "favourite basket" to make the process quick.
So Echo owners will know the drill by now. Yell "Alexa, ask Domino's to feed me" and the AI feeder will spring into action, ordering your pre-defined menu. That can have starters, pizzas and desserts stored within. Just pre-configure on the Domino's website and you're good to go.
You can also track where your pizza is by asking "where the goddamn hell is my pizza" or some other such phrase. Domino's are also fitting GPS to some delivery drivers now - not to their vehicles, they're fusing it with their skulls - so you can get a super-accurate idea about when your fat-on-carbs will arrive.
Now, here are some concerns I have. Firstly, sleep talking. There's a thing such as muscle memory and there's a thing such as sleep talking. So what happens if you say "Alexa, ask Domino's to feed me" while you're asleep? I'll tell you what: pizza, that's what. And who among us has the strength not to eat a pizza when it's delivered? Not me, that's for sure.
Second problem - voucher codes. Pizza is universally the most overpriced food. That's true at Pizza Hut, Domino's and Pizza Express. However, the advantage of online ordering is the free supply of discount codes that take pizza delivery from "massively overpriced" to "acceptably overpriced" with a simple code. Currently, DOUGHJUL gets 30% off all orders over £25. So how are we going to make Echo get us a good price? - Update: Good news, Alexa will ask you to confirm your order, so no sleep ordering should be possible.
Or is that sort of the point? I've asked Domino's PR team, they're checking on this.
Anyway, pizza is the best food, Echo is the best voice assistant AI and now both have done the nasty to produce some unholy union of asking for food and then it arriving. May God have mercy on us all.