Heinz, which along with beans and tomato sauce also makes a kind of gloopy white paste that old ladies put in egg sandwiches to remind them of post-war celebration parties, has decided it won't be renaming Salad Cream to something stupid like "sandwich cream."
If you have been following the developments in Heinz world, the original story was that Heinz was thinking about changing the name of Salad Cream to something a bit clearer, because – it pretended for the purposes of the story – millennials weren't entirely sure how to best use salad cream. Some were drinking it straight out of the jar with a straw, thinking it was a modern salad replacement health drink for consumption on the go. Some thought it was shampoo for making hair as fresh and crispy as lettuce. Some thought you spread it on the carpet and leaves grew out of it. And so on.
This flimsy pretence has now come to an end, though, with Heinz saying it spent the whole summer and billions of pounds on research to change nothing, as Salad Cream will still be called Salad Cream for at least the next three years when Heinz will try this stunt again. A spokesperson said: "Thousands of you shared your thoughts and suggested new ideas, all of which were considered, but it became clear that the British public wanted to keep Heinz Salad Cream, and any other name just wouldn't do. We can't ignore the will of the people, so Heinz Salad Cream is here to stay." [Sky News]