Even £500 Christmas Crackers Have Shit Presents

By Tom Pritchard on at

Each Christmas is different, but in the end there are plenty of things that stay the same each year. That one racist family member starting an argument, being forced to spend time with each other because there's literally nowhere else to go, a bowl full of sprouts nobody touches, and, of course, getting a small selection of tat out of the Christmas crackers. No matter how much you spend on crackers, the stuff inside is rubbish. Even if you spend £500.

The Royal Mint has just launched a selection of Christmas crackers, in silver and gold varieties that cost £500 and £5,000 respectively. Each set includes a box of six crackers, complete with a hat, trivia card, and some sort of present. Sadly only one of these cracker sets has gifts that are really worth anything, though maybe not quite as much as the asking price.

The Gold crackers, along with their five grand asking price include:

  • Uniquely numbered Royal Mint 1oz Gold Bar
  • Britannia 2018 ¼ oz. Gold Bullion Coin in 24ct gold
  • The Sovereign 2018 Gold Bullion Coin in 22ct gold
  • Sterling Silver Money Clip with Gold Half Sovereign in 22ct gold
  • 18ct Gold Diamond Necklace featuring a 0.14ct diamond. The necklace has a chain extender on it and can be worn at 16” or 18”.
  • 9ct Gold Cufflinks

All in all not a bad variety of stuff, though most of them are pretty limited in their use. Unlike the pathetically small screwdrivers that come in regular crackers. That said the silver cracker gifts aren't nearly as impressive:

There we have a silver compass, silver compact mirror, silver money clip, silver and olive wood honey drizzler, cufflinks, and bookmark. Proper silver too, which explains the price, but overall they're pretty rubbish. They're exactly the kind of thing you might get in those fancy overpriced crackers you'd get from M&S or Waitrose, but made from silver. I'd rather keep my £500 and spend it on something useful, like a new TV.

But it just goes to show that cracker presents are universally rubbish. Unless, of course, you're willing to spend £5,000. But how many of those people exist? Thankfully the Royal Mint has a few other Christmas-themed items that aren't nearly so overpriced. [Standard]