Sainsbury's Begins Stocking Vibrating Pink Things for Sex Reasons

By Gary Cutlack on at

We've been trying to write about this in a gender-neutral way for the last 20 minutes, but it's quite tough. The new Sainsbury's range of sex toys is probably aimed entirely at women, but we must point out that men could also use them too. Perhaps to better stir their porridge, mix the paint for the hallway, or to make martinis that are best shaken instead of stirred, as they are fully waterproof.

The supermarket is to launch three separate fake vibrating penises, in the varying shapes and textures of the Rose Gold Bullet, the Rose Blush Bullet, and the Aura Silver Vibrator and Massager, ranging from £8 to £15; all of which are available elsewhere for similar prices, and none of which we have requested in for review, because handing one of these to a female freelancer and demanding 800 words about it might constitute harassment.

It's more to do with "living well" than competing with Poundland in the race to the bottom (of the sex aid market), as Sainsbury's says that the sexual wellbeing of customers is something it has now decided is important, and it has a survey [PDF] about our sad sex ways to back it up. Which these toys will help improve, as long as they don't get shoved so far in they can't be taken out without medical intervention and get the owner on the local news.

As ever it was a man doing the announcing, with Sainsbury's food director Paul Mills-Hicks confidently mansplaining why women might want to hide one of these in with the bananas, saying: "Our Living Well Index clearly shows this is an important area for customers’ overall well-being. By introducing a new range at affordable prices, we hope to give customers the option to buy quickly and conveniently in an environment they feel comfortable with." [Sainsbury's [PDF] via Metro]