We spend quite a lot of our time reading press releases, turning to one another in despair and crying "but WHY?"
Obviously, the answer is "free publicity" most of the time, and we're fairly sure that's the case with the latest dispatch from Just Eat, who seem to be in an endless one-upmanship battle with Deliveroo and Uber Eats for the daftest stunt.
This time, not to be outdone by McDonalds' range of gold chicken McNugget baubles, Just Eat's gone one further and made baubles that can actually be eaten. Which is really disgusting.
Just Eat isn't actually selling the baubles. Instead, they've "created a guide to make the festive decoration" which "restaurants on Just Eat can request" if they want to make and sell them.
The baubles are apparently "made with fresh ingredients, fried in a light batter, and coated in edible gold or silver." They've also been hung on a tree, which is really grim. They're either going to be infused with pine needle smell if you have a real tree, or covered in wisps of plastic if it's fake.
Also, how do the hanging bits attach, exactly? It all seems very unsanitary.
Obviously if you have any kind of pet, it goes without saying that these are a very bad idea indeed. Cats will already eat your tree without any kind of encouragement: hanging bits of smelly food in there will not end well for anyone.
So why bhajis? They're not especially Christmassy, but they are apparently one of the most popular starters over the festive period. And that's a good enough excuse, we guess.
Just Eat MD Graham Corfield says, with silver bits round his mouth:
"Our customers love ordering onion bhajis over the Christmas period. It used to be the tradition to put up chocolates, candy canes, and gingerbread biscuits on the tree, but with the launch of Bhaji Baubles, we’re moving edible tree decorations into the 21st century.
We hope people can soon grab a bite straight from the tree while showing off their impeccable festive decorations."
OK, but chocolates, candy canes and gingerbread biscuits are all things that can quite happily sit out for a while before you eat them. Onion bhajis are not. They're greasy, warm, smelly, and really should not be hanging on a tree for more than a few seconds, if at all.
Mind you, realistically not many people will actually make or order them, and anyone who does will probably just snap a quick Insta photo and then eat them.
And doesn't that just sum the whole thing up? Merry Capitalism, everyone.