Psychic Terrorist Uri Geller Claims Responsibility for Parliamentary Leak

By Gary Cutlack on at

Self-certified psychic Uri Geller says he's taking the Brexit disruption process into his own hands, and is claiming responsibility for the leak in parliament yesterday that disrupted our perpetual state of politics.

Geller told LBC: "I got the idea, I'm going to burst or bend a pipe in the parliament. Because I prepared a letter to the Telegraph. I sent the letter, I concentrated and the pipe burst," so presumably the postmark on that letter is his proof that he had the idea and sent off the mind beams before seeing the burst pipe on the news.

Claiming responsibility for structural failures sets a dangerous legal precedent for Geller. There's a leaky pipe next to my boiler — is it Uri Geller wanting me to be cold? One of the front wheel bearings on my car is on the way out and making strange noises — is Uri Geller trying to assassinate me? Is it his fault the lead flushing on the roof is starting to let water in over the bathroom? Why me, Uri? What have I ever done to you? I tried to bend spoons in the 1980s like all the kids. I believed in you. Leave me alone, you shit Magneto. [LBC]

Image credit: Wikipedia