YouPorn Launches a Sex Zodiac Page Because That's Why We Came to the Site. For Some Light Reading

By Shabana Arif on at

Sometimes, browsing through porn categories when you don't know what you're in the mood for but your balls are about to burst out of your scrotal sack is a stressful affair, but YouPorn has got you covered.

Stepping in to save gonads everywhere, the site has launched a new search feature that allows you to peruse its content based on the scientific notion of the zodiac, because we all know there are only 12 kinds of people in this world and that our compatibility with our fellow man is based solely on which month they were born in compared to our own.

Obviously it's all in good fun, and there's even an in-house astrologer in the form of Dossé-Via who has inexplicably taken the trouble to produce reams of text about the 12 signs that literally no one is going to a porn site to read. We're there for tiddies, kitties, and big ol' dicks.

Weirdly, the 'feature' is a small banner on the home page, but once you click on it you can search for porn stars by their zodiac sign, presumably to pick the one you're most compatible with so you can get your jollies thinking about how they'd definitely fuck you if you ever met in real life because they're an Aquarius and you're a Gemini.

Or maybe you'd just like to see the porn stars who share your star sign, which seems to be a popular thing with film and TV celebrities because... well, I don't know why. The long and short of it is that people are weirdos and you can go watch porn with additional search features designed to make you feel as if there's some tenuous connection to these men and women because they came sliding out of a birth canal during a specific month.

So have fun with that. I did. Today I learned that Bridgette B is also a Libra, so I'm basically her and we could totes be BFFs. Now I'm off to see who'd bang me IRL.