Cheating Police Want All Watches Banned From School Exams

By Gary Cutlack on at

An inquiry into the many and varied methods used to cheat our ways though life has suggested banning all watches from exam rooms, because in this day and age, it's hard to tell what is a cheap analogue Swatch, and what is in fact an always-online smart computer pretending to be a cheap feature Casio by displaying an HD image of a cheap feature Casio.

Some very serious people in corduroy operating within the Independent Commission on Examination Malpractice has made the suggestion to education department, and examinations regulator Ofqual has agreed, saying we need to be increasingly vigilant about the "...growing threats posed by the use of technology," which could, according to the commission, even include monitoring the sale of stolen exam papers on the dark web.

Commission chairman Sir John Dunford has recently made the startling discovery that so-called "smart" watches exist that do much more than tell the time and date, and explained to other old people that: "It can look as if it's a time-telling watch and actually, you press a button and it becomes an email-type watch. If you don't ban them all I think you’re giving a very difficult job to invigilators who are looking round an exam room. So I think the obvious thing to do here is to ban watches."

The ball is now in the court of the Joint Council for Qualifications, which could push for all wearables, both analogue and digital, to be banned in time for next summer's exam season. [Guardian]