BrewDog craft brewery is in the business of craft beer, which some people out there find to be the purview of hipsters, and its not done itself any favours on that front with the latest addition to the menu.
Today, BrewDog announced its new Hybrid Burger on Twitter; a "50% plant-based Beyond Meat & 50% beef burger patty" featuring melted vegan gouda cheese, crispy onion straws, a potato rosti, and bookended between two Matcha tea buns which do little but add a splash of green in some futile attempt at a visual reminder of your contribution to the green movement.
When asked why in the holy hell it thought this was a good idea, BrewDog responded, "we’ve seen a growing demand for alternative proteins, and we already stock vegan friendly options in all of our bars, but we wanted to do something for flexitarians - people looking to cut down but not totally stop eating meat."
Let's pretend for a moment that that statement makes any sense and focus on the real matter at hand. Why in the fuck has it included vegan cheese? I have vegan friends and relatives who have very kindly cooked me dinner and so I've tried a couple of different varieties of vegan cheese, and I can tell you right now, the only thing it gets right is the smell. That's the worst part of cheese. Vegan cheese is not enjoyable. It'll do in the absence of the real thing because it has to, but you've already contributed to the slaughter of at least half a cow here. Just pop a slice of real Gouda in, for the love of god.
Craft beer aside, we've reached some off-the-charts hipster shit here. The hybrid burger is the vaping of meat products. It's something to wean you off meat but makes you look like a pretentious git in the process. And everyone hates you. The internet also had some thoughts, which we have curated for you below.
In the meantime, if you're interested in trying out this concoction, you can swap out the Matcha buns for regular brioche, and there are even gluten free options as well. Perhaps they'll go as far as offering you some bona fide cheese.
— Paultergeist (@HowlingPaolo) October 3, 2019
— Simon Cereda (@simon_cereda) October 3, 2019
— Bill Carr (@BillCarr85) October 3, 2019
Should've called it The Boris burger. Looks shit, not wanted by the people, serves no purpose and failing to unite anyone
Pint looks good though.
— Scott Baxter (@scottscb) October 3, 2019
— John (Scully) (@scuj1) October 3, 2019
— Richard Knights (@dknights) October 3, 2019
The whole point of beyond meat burgers is to move people away from meat consumption, and you’re blending it with beef... thus adding to the demand for meat? And blending it together in a patty so no one can tell the difference? I just... pic.twitter.com/Xlu1GjJdvX
— Jessica Wragg (@WraggJessica) October 3, 2019
I look forward to the half alcohol free, half imperial, pint of stout you'll be offering with it, because some people want to stay sober, and some want to get trollied, it'll be the perfect blend for everyone, right, right?
— Moist Von Beaverhausen (@Willoughbeer) October 3, 2019
— beans (@full_hearts) October 3, 2019
this is the burger equivalent of the car that homer simpson designed pic.twitter.com/PBqD3RQCle
— BIG JUICE THA SIP (@handburgers) October 3, 2019
— joan (@apparentlyjoan) October 3, 2019