Health Experts Want to Ban the Night-Bus-Home-Burger

By Gary Cutlack on at

Doctors want to do something for our own good again, the interfering so-called experts, with their anger this time turning on the habit of eating on public transport. We should be made to stop doing it, they say, so we have a banana when we get home instead. An unlikely turn of events when there are biscuits and sausages in the house, but there you go.

This is the idea of England's chief medical officer Dame Sally Davies, and it's one of a vast range of options she's thrown out, including a potential introduction of plain packaging for the worst types of food and restricting the opening of new takeaways via planning changes. The ban on eating on public transport would/should only include local services, as kids scoffing fried reconstituted chicken products on their way back from school to eat fried reconstituted pork products at home is the main target; your extremely adult 500-calorie coffee and 2,400-calorie muffin on an inter-city train is not currently under threat.

Davies would also like to completely end all marketing, advertising and sponsorship from the unhealthy food manufacturers, introduce "car-free weekends" on a national basis so people may grudgingly walk to their favoured reconstituted meats parlour, widen the sugar tax to include milk shakes, and put VAT on cakes, ending the no-VAT loophole currently enjoyed by any product that can convince authorities it is legally and historically considered a regional form of cake and is not an evil biscuit.

Davies is in the fortunate position of leaving the CMO job soon, so she can go bonkers with the authoritarian food threats without having to worry about the implementation of said oppressive regime, or dealing with the frothy mess leftover from the milkshake riots of 2022 that her brainstorm session may trigger. [CMO via BBC]

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