Amazon Has Just Announced the Best Ketchup You'll Never Have

By Shabana Arif on at

This Christmas, jazz up your table with Amazon's Brussels Sprout Ketchup, the product of a collaboration with Sauce Shop.

Yes, it's a sauce made of Brussels Sprouts which you probably won't try because you've been on the receiving end of the traditional method of British cooking for the duration of your youth - namely boiling the shit out any anything green and salting it as if it were covered in black ice in the hopes of getting some measure of flavour out of it, while you endure the faint whiff of stale farts.

If you've been hashtag blessed enough to find someone who can actually rustle them up properly, I can assure you, they'd be at the top of your Christmas menu, and you'd be ordering bottles of the ketchup to go in everyone's stocking right now.

According to the press release, 15 British Brussels sprouts have been stuffed into each bottle, "chosen for the bespoke recipe for their sweet, nutty flavour." Excuse me whilst I mop up this puddle of drool. The sprouts are "blended with cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon to give the tasting notes of braised red cabbage, the Brussels Sprout Ketchup is the perfect accompaniment to any Christmas dinner, a welcome addition to the ubiquitous Christmas sandwich and a fun cheese board addition." Thanks for the serving suggestion, but I'll happily drink straight shots of the stuff.

The sauce is a limited-edition creation that artisan British sauce maker, Sauce Shop, developed as an Amazon exclusive. Pam Digva, Co-Founder of Sauce Shop, points out that there's more vitamin C in one sprout than there is in an entire orange, and went on to lament the "often misunderstood Brussels sprout" (preach!) that has been used to create "the natural sweet, nutty" sauce.

Brussels Sprout Ketchup is available on Amazon for £3 a bottle, and is vegetarian and vegan friendly. If you're not a complete coward, go ahead and order a bottle and let us know what you think! 'Bottled farts' is not an acceptable review.