Pigs in Blankets Shortage Ruins Christmas at Wetherspoons

By Gary Cutlack on at

Wetherspoons diners expecting pigs in blankets with the festive-themed meals currently dehydrating under the heat lamps are being left disappointed, as the pub's now serving simple plain "sausages" alongside its Christmas foods due to a shortage of the popular wrapped sausage savoury treat.

Luckily for us, the British Meat Association has explained how pigs in blankets are made. They are all wrapped by hand, apparently, as mankind has not yet invented a machine that can twirl a bit of bacon around a small sausage as fast or efficiently as a human hand. "We put a man on t'moon, but we can't automate t'wrapping of a meat with another type o' meat?" is a sentence that is therefore being said, loudly and a bit too aggressively and aimed in the direction of the youngest and most nervous staff member, in Wetherspoons locations across the nation today.

JD Wetherspoon is blaming a "supplier issue" for the problem, which the BMA -- awkwardly for the pub chain's pro-Brexit founder Tim Martin -- is blaming on a lack of seasonal EU labour prepared to come over here and do shitty jobs, like, for example, stand in a chilled meat factory all day wrapping bacon around sausages for ungrateful old mens' cheap Christmas lunches. [BBC]