Her Majesty's baked goods emporium Greggs has decided that Just Eat should be its sole and official delivery partner from now on, ending the current patchwork of local trials to declare that a nationwide delivery service should be in place by the end of 2020.
That's obviously a massive lie as anyone who doesn't have a pavement outside their front door and a bus stop within six miles will know not to get their hopes up, but still. Just Eat says Greggs deliveries are launching in Bristol and Birmingham this week, joining Newcastle, Glasgow and parts of London, with Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield and Nottingham joining them soon. That's still not very nationwide, but if you'd like to see sausage rolls coming through your letterbox like all your dreams have come true, Just Eat is letting consumers register an interest in having the service launch in their town as if that'll make any difference.
Greggs boss Roger Whiteside is really sticking with the pretence that everyone of any import lives in areas serviced by stupid lukewarm food delivery bicycles, and said: "We know from the trials we have carried out, that our customers love the idea that they can get Greggs delivered directly to their door and we're delighted to now be working with Just Eat to provide that service to our customers across the UK by the end of this year."
I will anaesthetise myself with the stale lawnmower petrol in the shed, wrap shortcrust pastry around my left arm and attempt to eat it, should Just Eat manage to deliver a still-warm vegan sausage roll to the PA73 postcode area before 2020 is out. [Just Eat via Metro]