It turns out the entire Brexit scheme wasn't covertly pushed on us by the North American poultry industry after all – or it it was it has failed – because the UK's environment secretary has promised that oddly treated US meats that are currently banned from import thanks to EU protections will remain banned from import here even under any future UK/US trade realignment.
This was confirmed in a short on-record statement from Theresa Villiers, the current secretary of state for environment, food and rural affairs, who told BBC's Countryfile that: "We will defend our national interests and our values, including our high standards of animal welfare," adding that "there are legal barriers to the imports [of US chicken and beef] and those are going to stay in place."
This means we will miss out on such savoury delights as chlorinated chicken – which apparently tastes like children who have been marinated in a swimming pool for three hours – and hormone-treated beef, which is fine as both involve way too much cooking and washing up anyway. Hasn't anyone told the US we're a vegan outpost now, where meat-eaters aren't safe to walk the streets lest they get stabbed with a sharpened cucumber? [BBC]