Please Do Not Eat the 25-Year-Old Can of Expired Spider-Man Pasta, It Will Not Give You Radioactive Powers

By James Whitbrook on at

Spider-Can, Spider-Can, full of mouldy pasta-shaped-man...

I know we’re all going through a lot right now, given the state of Current Events. We’re stuck at home, trying to find things to do, trying to find things to eat as grocery shopping becomes an everyday occurrence that is suddenly fraught with risks and concerns of food supplies running low. Which, presumably lead us to this moment of rapturous awe while Twitter user Dinosaur Dracula opened a can of Chef Boyardee Spider-Man pasta shapes (with mini meatballs in a tomato sauce!)...

...circa 1995.

Friends, I shouldn’t have to warn you considering I just spoke about opening a can of kid’s noodles from two and a half decades ago like we’re opening the ark of the covenant here, but: what you’re about to see is as gross as it is fascinating.

Turns out, that, unlike Enobarbus describing Cleopatra in Shakespeare’s Anthony and Cleopatra, age can, in fact, wither Chef Boyardee’s Spider-Man pasta shapes (with mini meatballs in a tomato sauce!).

It can, in fact, custom stale their infinity variety. Stale it quite a bit.

It is kind of amazing that, among what can be diplomatically characterised as the detritus within the can however, you can still just about make out one of the shapes of Spider-Man himself:

You know what they say about Peter Parker: when that kid gets knocked down, he will always get back up on his feet. Even when he’s a pasta-man, apparently.

Featured image: Marcos Martin and Javier Rodriguez (Marvel Comics)