Rees-Mogg's Banker Chums Told to Expect Mass Coronavirus Profits

By Gary Cutlack on at

A mere hour ago the coronavirus had us in the odd position of experiencing something akin to empathy for Boris Johnson, but that's all dried up now. Because his best chum Jacob Rees-Mogg stands accused of using his investment business to promote the huge amounts of money to be made, should financial markets ever bounce back from their current depression-level of crash.

Mogg co-founded and still owns a chunk of Somerset Capital Management, an investment fund that manages the excess money of poshos who inconveniently inherited too much of the damn stuff. Those with spare money in old travel trunks in the loft may now expect "super normal returns" should they plough it all into the stock market via Mogg's fund, an SCM manager said, adding that the coronavirus financial contraction presents a once-a-generation opportunity to feast on the metaphorical bones of our furloughed and precarious businesses.

The investment note explains: "Market dislocations of this magnitude happen rarely, perhaps once or twice in a generation, and have historically provided excellent entry points for investors. History has shown us that super normal returns can be made during this type of environment." As long as the commoners don't get too sick and angry and hungry and full of disease, and placate themselves by guillotining off the heads of the rich they deem responsible. Them's the risks.

SCM partner Oliver Crawley would rather we hold off on the mass decapitations of the elite for now, though, as he says making shitloads of money for people you went to school with is quite different to not caring about other people you didn't go to school with dying, and explained: "Our fund managers' investment commentary is focused on the valuations currently seen in the emerging markets, not the appalling human cost of the virus, and we sincerely hope these comments are not misconstrued as being unsympathetic." [Guardian]