Word from the streets of Liverpool is that the seagulls are finding lockdown as difficult as the humans, not because they're also struggling to find anything interesting to watch on Netflix and have bollocksed up another attempt at sourdough; but because the lack of the usual human detritus is leaving them without any easy pickings to eat.
The stupid birds have long given up bothering to teach their offspring how to hunt in favour of living on our dropped chips and discarded kebab salad, but now we're not outside and doing that any more the birds are going hungry; and turning on each other. One Liverpool shopkeeper witnessed scenes of horror outside his business, and told the Mirror he's seen birds eating other dead birds and chomping on pigeons, such is the lack of fast food and tasty human vomit lying around the place for them to eat.
Othman Al-muntaser said he's taken to feeding the things, and gazing on in horror as they fight each other over his stale offerings. Maybe film that. Sky Sports might be keen on televising it. [Mirror]