The Wetherspoon pub chain is desperate to reopen for our cheap food and drink thrills, and has already prepared for the government to give the order with an £11m investment in extra staff, hand sanitiser pods, screens to protect workers and putting a massive list of instructions inside every door on how to behave upon bravely entering a pub for the first time post-lockdown.
The pub group says an average of two full time staff per pub are being employed to do nothing other than run around sanitising everything all day, in what is surely about to become the worst job with the highest staff turnover rate in the country. All of the pub's staff will be asked to complete a "daily health assessment questionnaire" to confirm they're not coughing incessantly, plus their temperatures will be taken daily too.
There are going to be quite a lot of strange new experiences as well, as the advice says: "Staff will hand over all drinks holding the base of the glass and when ordered by the app they will be delivered to the table on a tray and placed on the table using the base of the glass." While staff members hold their breath and hope you can't see they've been crying as recently as three minutes ago, perhaps.
The seats may not be moved any more, larger outlets will have one way systems and separate entrances and exits, and the chain will provide gloves, masks and protective eyewear for staff to make the atmosphere more menacing than usual. Although the company says it'll leave the wearing of these up to individual staff, unless, that is, the government orders all public-facing employees to wear them as a condition of any future opening of society. And guests will have clean hands for once, as around ten hand sanitiser dispensers are to be installed in each pub. Food will run on a "reduced menu" and condiment pods will be replaced by sachets.