Government Reassures People That Sex is Not Banned

By Gary Cutlack on at

It probably won't come as a surprise to learn that something the government has said is a baffling pile of contradictory nonsense that's laughed at and destroyed within seconds of being distributed, as was the case with a series of fresh coronavirus pronouncements that appeared to ban sex due to obvious proximity reasons.

The rules in question stated we are not able to meet and get close to people we don't live with, not unless outside and there are fewer than six people present. This would appear to suggest that outdoors wanking orgies of five random people organised through a smartphone app are fine, but coming within two metres of your partner at home is not allowed. But then given the mental stresses of lockdown, who the hell in the country is left in a functioning relationship anyway?

It was up to junior housing minister Simon Clarke to face the comedy question about if sex is only allowed outdoors now, to which he replied: "It is fair to say the transmission risk of coronavirus is much lower in the open air than in internal space, but obviously we do not encourage people to do anything like that outside at this time or any other."

It's all fine, basically, but don't get too close to Cummings. [Reuters]

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