Airlines Suggest We Avoid Bringing Hand Luggage When/If Returning to Travel

By Gary Cutlack on at

New government advice says we should try to avoid bringing hand luggage with us when travelling by the rusted up, flat-tyred aeroplanes of the near future, as everyone having zero bags may, in some minuscule way, speed up boarding and shorten the miles-long queues.

The Department for Transport says this will "speed up boarding and disembarking and minimise the risk of transmission," also making it easier for airlines to clean when everyone isn't handling the overhead lockers and being polite by getting someone's bag down for someone else, inadvertently becoming Patient Zero of Wave Two. That's what you get for being nice.

Checking in online and remaining seated throughout the flight are the other genius bits of advice offered by industry consultation and the International Civil Aviation Organisation, plus all the new modern hand washing rules will apply, as will the social distancing requirements, and advice not to touch trolley handles or desks, and, Jesus, it may well be best to have another two-month staycation in your bedroom, such is the imminent additional misery that'll accompany any form of international travel.

Ryanair, of course, doesn't agree, as it quite rightly points out that checked bags have to be handled by humans, as even though luggage trundles off on a conveyor belt and reappears on a conveyor belt at the destination, the rest of the process is not quite so seamlessly automated and involves blokes called Dave throwing them about for a workout as the gyms are all closed. [Guardian]