Swimming pools sound like they're going to be an even grimmer experience than usual when they reopen, as pro-swim lobby group Swim England has released a massive list of guidelines on how to protect yourself when returning to the water.
Most amusing of all is advice to "arrive ready to swim" so you may avoid changing areas, meaning that the car parks of the near future will be filled with people getting out in their costumes and hobbling across the gravel to the main entrance. They probably mean to wear your trunks underneath like pants, the common shortcut of the school swimming lesson attendee.
Swimmers are also told to forget the allure of a hot shower and the promise of a look at someone else's bottom afterwards and to get out as quickly as possible, which doesn't exactly instil confidence that pools are going to be entirely safe places to be. Taking your own hand sanitiser and equipment is also advised, so you don't have to touch a float someone else has been holding.
Direction signs, social distancing and overtaking bans are also part of the grim vision of future pooling [PDF], and "wide strokes" like the butterfly should be avoided altogether, lest you accidentally stroke a person and trigger the alarms and force everyone to evacuate to the car park for a precautionary bleaching with the big hose. I'd stay at home and practice floating in the bath, if I was you. [Swim England]
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