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Why Can't Siri Help Me Be Less of a Drunk-Dialling Schmuck?

By Andrew Tarantola on at

So I find this clip of the Ellen Degeneres show. Some dude in the audience gets down on a knee, pops the question to his girlfriend, and she says no. He's f*cking crushed and, I figure, will need a drink or 17 before the evening is over. But, as any recently dumped individual knows, the worst thing you can do in this situation is get historically slammed and drunk dial your freshly-ex'd. And that got me to thinking.